The Secret Life of Dinglepuss

Sebastian Gregory was born during a blood moon while his mother rode on the back of an albino war elephant as it thundered down the backside of Yosemite Valley. Stolen straight from the steaming afterbirth by a pack of drug-addled anarcho-communists with a penchant for violent street theater, he was raised in the catacombs of a long forgotten civilization, where he learned to feed by observing the cave spiders and stealing protein packs from the occasional space tourists.

Captured by the California Her-Way-Or-The-Highway Patrol and prosecuted for the forbidden act of performing the role of “Dinglepuss” during a highly aggressive back alley production of “The Grotesque Child of the Electric Thunder Night”, he was sent to a re-education camp in the southeast Texas oil fields. After years of extensive rehabilitation, the State remade him as a soulless automaton and put him to work teaching English and advanced occult mysteries to highly evolved algae-based life forms before a promotion put him in charge of instructing wild-eyed paramecium how to manufacture black tar heroin marketed to school children under the brand name “Purple Sneeze”.

One fine April afternoon while he was minding his own business he was poached off the oil field by the Dark Lords of the Unisys Plantation, and for the next 13 years he worked as a techserf, on loan to the Unholy Tower of Federal Government. After a brief stint but productive stint in the State of Kennesaw military-industrial educational facilities, where he graduated with Horrors, he served for three more years as a bonded techserf on the CohnReznick plantation. In 2016 he escaped and fled into the jungles beyond the Forbidden Zone, where he exists to this day, hounded by intergalactic bounty hunters of questionable repute, stalked by giant slavering lizard beasts, and hunted by a cannibalistic survival cult of shaggy orange furred hypocrites who worship Donald Trump as God Incarnate.

OR…

Sebastian Gregory is a freelance writer who really detests writing about himself in the third person because it sounds so snooty and he thinks “About” pages are somewhat daft.  He graduated of Kennesaw State University with a MA in Professional Writing and lives in northern Virginia with his hard-working wife Debbie and their two extraterrestrial cat-like visitors from Ulthar, Capt. Jax and Commissar Kaos. He plays a lot of softball because it is about the only exercise he can tolerate. He was once a friendly and vaguely competent IT worker but now is a freelance writer who contributes articles to the renowned online magazine SickingVaults.com.

One of these backgrounds is more true than the other; but he’s not sure which. It’s all so confusing.

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One Response to The Secret Life of Dinglepuss

  1. Quickstepp says:

    Sebas- tagged you in a blog tour post. Not sure if you’re into participating,but wanted to give you a shout out!
    http://melstepp01.wordpress.com/2014/04/07/hideaway/

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